Outcry over Sheriff’s Department search methods
Say — You wouldn’t have DRUGS in your backpack, would you?
Whoa…don’t act so offended!!! I have two perfectly good reasons for singling you out:
I noticed that you just got off the bus from New York City and, also, that you are a black person.
You really don’t want to answer my insulting questions without a search warrant? Okay, we’ll just call that “resisting arrest” — even though you’ve committed no crime to arrest you for. You New Yorkers are big fans of “irony”, right?
Oh, and if you don’t mind, I think that the rest of us would be more comfortable if we could handcuff you. Again, I know that you haven’t committed any crime, but it’s for our safety. You wouldn’t want us to feel unsafe, would you? Come to think of it…we’d like to strip-search you to make sure that you aren’t hiding anything scary. Would that be alright?
It’s also kind of a tradition here in Albany to welcome people from out of town by taking them to a hospital where their blood and urine are tested for drugs and alcohol. The best part is when we force you to vomit! Excited?
Don’t act so scared! We’ll pressure the doctors to sedate you with a drug that clouds your memory first.
One more thing, it’s just a teensy-weesny little favor — Could we get a picture? Don’t worry about any food in your teeth — we’d actually like to stick the camera into your rectum just to make sure that you don’t have anything illegal up there. Just a “heads up” — you might receive a $6,792 bill from Albany Med for the procedures — and the hospital might try to justify you being sodomized with a camera by saying you had “hemorrhoids.” Seriously. Say “CHEESE!”…1….2…..3!
Hmmph. I guess you’re clean. All of your protesting that you “were just minding your own business” and “hadn’t done anything wrong” made us a little nervous. Calm down, sir. 10 hours in custody might seem like a long time, but DRUGS are tearing apart the fabric of our society, wouldn’t you say?
You want a ride back to the bus station? It’s no trouble: We’re heading back there anyways….
